Friday, May 9, 2008

I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

I am being put in a position that I am not comfortable with. There are those who wrong me, some by misunderstanding, and another by malice. It would be the human way to run in the opposite direction of the accuser to avoid any further confrontation. To hide to avoid any further pain. It gets tiresome to have to keep defending myself. The defenses are getting weaker and are starting to sound more like excuses. It's unfair to have my character attacked by someone who cares less about trying to get to know me, and who I truly am, and cares more about their status symbol as being superior. 

My instinct is to cocoon myself up in a thick protective layer, and allow my own personal metamorphoses, to really become the beauty that I know I possess. Yet there is one who is determined to stop my growth before I awe the world and show it what I'm capable of. There are those who don't appreciate or even care for that matter, about the personal changes and sacrifices I made to become who I am today. 

Is it wrong of me to want to avoid such an enemy? I don't have camouflage enough to hide the hurt I am feeling, and the attacker would be elated to see such weakness in my eyes. I am not sufficiently armored to protect myself from further lies, deceit, manipulation & unfair accusations. I am not healed enough to take on more wounds. I really feel that I need time to gain more strength, wisdom & acknowledge my inner beauty, so that I will be more prepared to defend myself against my personal adversary. 

...I am so not ready for Sunday.

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