Another heartbreaking yet eye opening event.

Last month, after the sudden death of Alan, it brought to my mind the fine line of mortality. I couldn't help but think about how different things would be if I KNEW that I'd see that person for the last time. Would I treat them differently? Would I make sure any wrongs I had done were made right? Would I bite my tongue when I'm about to say something potentially hurtful? Would my senses be heightened and would I be more aware of their unspoken needs? Would I make sure that before we part I gave them a hug and an I love you? 

As I lay in bed at night, either in Nolan's arms or him in mine, those thoughts keep coming back to me, along with a deep gratitude that when we both left in the morning, that parting was not our last. I hold him extra tight and realize how blessed I am that he is here with me, that he was able to make it through the day, and make it home. A split second decision or indecision can take life away with no warning. Am I treating him in the manner that if something would happen, I wouldn't have any regrets? Or that if something were to happen to me, he would know that I loved and cherished him, and that our last moments together were happy loving ones? I sure hope so. I know I'm nowhere near perfect with my attitude, but I'm trying, and will continue to work on that.

On Friday, all those feelings were intensified tenfold. A friend & neighbor of mine, left for the grocery store, with her kids home with her hubby. When she returned home, she found her husband had passed away. I couldn't help but wonder what kinds of words were said as she was heading out the door, and what kinds of regrets she possibly has. It breaks my heart to think of all the "if only" thoughts she must be thinking. It also breaks my heart to imagine the despair and pain she is enduring. She'll never have a chance to apologize to him for any harsh words she had ever said, or any times she may have unintentionally made him feel unimportant. She'll never have a chance to tell him how much she loves and appreciates him, and how much she cherished him. She'll never have a chance to hold him close. Like I said, I don't know what words were said either positive or negative that day, but it would crush me if they were fighting or having a typical marital argument when she left, and those were the last words ever said. I would hate myself and would never forgive myself for not expressing my love regardless of the disagreement. I wouldn't want things to be like that.

Hold your families close. You never know what day will be your last. Again, live each day as though it'll be your last. Treat people in a manner that you would want to be remembered by. Let everyone in your life know how important they are to you and how much you appreciate them. Be mindful of needs, especially the unspoken ones. Make amends for any hurtful things that were said or done. Women, hug your men, compliment them, bend over backwards to show them that they are needed, wanted and loved. Men, hold and caress your women. Let them know how lost you'd be without them. Parents, love your kids. Openly. Spend quality time with them and don't act like it's an inconvenience. Show them that you are thankful that they came into your lives, and they would have an empty hole without them. Life is too short to put off apologies. Life is too long to live with regrets.